“Thoughts become things” – Rhonda Byrne.
The above beautiful quote seemed to be so true when i saw my thoughts turning real. I would be hungry only to see all the restaurants on the way. I think of someone and just receive a call or message from them. I would be thinking something spiritual only to see all the hoardings and quotes which was synchronous to my inner world. And this is the same for all. After all we are all just made of the same stuff – the thoughts!
When I was adviced from parents and Sages to believe in myself, I had only believed my ego and was adding fuel to it, because I really didn’t know “myself” and was compelled only to believe my ego. “You can do it, if you can’t then who else can?” – waow, how well my ego was built. What I knew as me was just my ego. So ‘believe in yourself’ actually worked the other way round until I got the ego hit. Slowly, when emotional hurdles started churning me, I was already caught up in the thought tornado. How did the tornado at all happen?! I had actually created my clumsy world upon my thoughts. My perceptions and belief system formed my foundational thoughts. Based on the perceptions and belief systems that I have gathered, I had slowly been doing mix&match and dressed up myself with the programmed set of rights and wrongs by the society. Any change in the color of this costume, would put me down and so did I get caught up in the tornado. We all have created a world wide Web of thoughts! One day or the other, www of thoughts are meant to conquer you and throw you into the gigantic tornado.
Here’s a real life experience of one of my acquaintance who was caught up in the thought tornado and attempted to kill himself. He is a well educated and a devoted middle aged man,who never accepts anybody question him. Even an average question of, “Are you OK”, by someone whom he considers superior would turn him violent and questions of “how can she ask me that, I might not be as wealthy as she is, but that doesn’t mean she can ask me all this. I am perfect in my own way”. These were his thoughts. The arrangement of his belief system on himself and others were not quite matching with the reality. So when faced with a financial crisis, he just wasn’t able to let go of his continuous questioning thought which made him prove unworthy. The non acceptance of his actual state and the belief that he doesn’t deserve this crisis, made him go mad and forget his own self and surroundings and family. It led him to attempt suicide, which further made the situation worse. This incident has sparked a light on me not to believe the mind at all. It would be calm at one minute, it might go extreme at another time, it would feel happy, sad, proud, low, high whatever, but that’s all temporary and just not worthy enough to forget yourself. This incident actually also aided in understanding how my mind made my outer world so complicated. My complex mind attracted all the complexities in outer world. When I am calm, outer world was calm. Outer world was just a reflection of my inner one. To my despair, I could only see all the motivational speeches and renowned speakers, asking us to stay positive, keep yourself high etcetc… What a BS. After all there are going to be opposites in life and one has to accept it, like it or not!!! And there is always going to be one or the other problem. It just depends on how we handle our thoughts on this problem. It’s upto us to keep someone/something in our dream of thoughts or just ignore them for good. Whatever here’s how the tornado affected me. The desperate need to breathe when submerged in water was almost the same desperation for me to get released from my own mind. So in the process of removing myself from the mind, I could notice the fight is never going to end. Also if I fight with my thoughts I am just going to mess up the thought Web and create a prison out of myself. I stopped fighting. I actually was deploid of the energy to fight. The outer world had come to a still. I realised the way out of web is web itself. It just needs patience and observance. I realised these webs were built on thoughts. I accepted my thoughts without judgement or indulgement. “You have no control of what thoughts would come to you, but it’s your freedom to pursue it in mind/action or to just let it pass without disturbance” . ~ Om swami
I let the above quote by Omswamiji to sink in. I was getting awareness little by little. One step at a time. Because nobody can help your mind other than you yourself. I got aware of the thoughts provoking all kinds of emotions and sometimes slipped into the emotions. But awareness cropped up again and refrained myself from pursuing my thoughts. I accepted my thoughts, I stopped blaming me, I didnt judge me. I allowed thoughts to come but stopped going behind it. There came a flush of thoughts which actually pushed me, pulled me. I was like a dirty cloth inside the washing machine being rolled and heated and squeezed and rotated as well. It’s actually difficult to go through this phase when everything around you, inside and outside is pulling you in all the directions. Your anger, your love, your expectations, your dream, your fear, your faith, your assumed truth all at once coming to a screeching halt and you lose the balance. There was a subtle element which was actually knowing and watching all these. I caught hold of it and watched to see that everything was settling. Yet, mind is tricky and the mystery is, you would be tested for the same with many other situations until and unless you get yourself perfect. There’s no other go. Once your hand is in tigers mouth, it’s upto the tiger to open and release you. You struggling or fighting with it is just going to make your situation worse anyway. So was my game with the thoughts.
Now that there is understanding of the working and nature of thoughts, now starts the real game with it. Game with oneself may be adventurous, boring, it might cost you dear, it might be interesting too, but this life or later, one has to play with oneself.. The more you are prepared, the nearer the gateway to eternity. The game is worth it… Let’s just have some real courage and BELIEVE THE DIVINE IN YOU.